Home > Classic Capsules, Movie Reviews > A “Classic” Movie Review: X-men – Orion’s Take

A “Classic” Movie Review: X-men – Orion’s Take

This review is a present from Apple and I, as we enter the new year.  Many thanks to our readers for making this year a blast for http://www.appleandorion.com!

I’ve seen this movie many times.  So when a slightly tipsy Apple suggested that we watch it again, I wasn’t very enthused.  I remembered it being cliché ridden and altogether disappointing for a film based on some of my favorite superheroes.  Come on, who doesn’t think Cyclops is awesome?  I also personally think Professor X is an excellent character.  In any case, I relented to Apple’s request with a sigh and started to watch.

It was as bad as I remembered: the characters spouted inane clichés and bad jokes, all the while failing to do anything useful.  Does anyone else think the plot makes no sense?  Are you telling me that Professor X, who can kill any person in the world as long as their mind is not shielded, and who can sort through billions of people to identify the location of one particular mutant, isn’t able to notice one mutant who sneaks into his school?  That he wouldn’t able to tell when someone had tampered with a machine he helped build?

Of course, it isn’t the plot of this movie that is the worst.  The worst sin for an action movie is having bad actions scenes.  And boy does this movie have bad action scenes.  Why do the X-Men suck at fighting?  For God’s sake, how do you lose a fight against Toad?  Also, Sabertooth looks like a Neanderthal with overlong nails.  Speaking of bad character design, Cyclops is the biggest loser ever, and I would know.

The only redeeming quality of this film is the inclusion of two masterful actors, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen.  Patrick Stewart is graceful as ever as the magisterial Professor X and Ian McKellen embodies the intellectual and menacing villain Magneto with charm.  Those two were really the only reason I could finish this miserable excuse for a film.

2.5/5 Waffles

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